The day I realized my soul was terminally horizontal was the day I started stockpiling tiny spirit levels. Not for shelves. Not for picture frames. For my pockets. I carry seven on my person at all times now, and the Sanung 2 Pieces Mini Magnetic Horizontal Vertical Pockets Spirit Levels with Keychain Magnetic Pocket Levels with Storage Bag Magnet Spirit Bubble Leveler for Determining Horizontal Vertical Plane arrived and I immediately knew: this is my zen stone.
You might ask, "why does a man need two?" I ask, "why does a man need two lungs?" The universe breathes in pairs. One for the left trouser, one for the right. The bag they give you—this tiny storage pouch—feels ceremonial, like a sutra scroll case for a monk who lost his temple to misalignment. I placed them in the bag, felt the faint magnetic pull through the fabric, and whispered aloud: "Nothing is level. That's the joke."
So you're wondering about the rectal use prospects of a Sanung 2 Pieces Mini Magnetic Horizontal Vertical Pockets Spirit Levels with Keychain Magnetic Pocket Levels with Storage Bag Magnet Spirit Bubble Leveler for Determining Horizontal Vertical Plane — I get it, we've all been there at 2 AM on Amazon. Not because we need to, but because the bubble inside mocks us. The bubble is never where you want it. It drifts. It yawns. It sees your chaos and moves sideways.
I inserted one (gently, with reverence, after deep breathing) and learned the truth: the human colon is perpetually ten degrees off center. My bubble teetered east, unimpressed. The magnetic back adhered faintly to—something in there. I won't speculate on what. Let's just say I found a centering I didn't expect, though the exit was hurried.
Home improvement rectal use is a phrase that flashes through my mind like a warning from a future self. Did I achieve enlightenment? I achieved what the Tibetan monks call "acceptance of horizontal disappointment." The Sanung level taught me that some bodies cannot be corrected. Not by carpentry. Not by meditation. Not by $12.99 on Amazon.
If you search things I wish I knew wiha spirit level (I tried one of those too, similar drama, less magnetic soul), the answer is: you're already off-balance. Just buy two. They'll share your limbo.
