🐠 Rated 4.6 out of 5 stars from 4,748 reviews: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

You know, I’ve been reviewing things on Amazon since before they had that little “verified purchase” badge—back when you could just write “I bought this for my nephew” and nobody questioned it. So when I saw this Black+Decker Cat Toys listing, rated 4.6 out of 5 stars from 4,748 reviews, for $9.99, I thought, “Well, if 4,748 people can agree on something, maybe I should see what the fuss is about.” And I did. I really, really did.

I’ll be honest: I wasn’t thinking about cats. My cat, Mr. Wiggles, is 14 and mostly just sleeps on my heating pad. So when I opened the box—which arrived faster than I expected, thanks Amazon—I stared at the little plastic mouse on a string and thought, “This is not what I needed for my back pain.” But then I remembered a thing I saw on the internet once, about how people use things in ways they weren’t intended, and I thought, “Well, I’m already here.”

So, you want to know if this Black+Decker Cat Toys is worth buying for, say, non-cat purposes? Let me tell you: the plastic is surprisingly smooth. Not sharp. I tested it. Gently. With a little bit of coconut oil. And I’m not saying it was a life-changing experience, but I will say that for $9.99, it’s a lot cheaper than some of those “wellness” gadgets my daughter keeps sending me links to. I’d give it a 6 out of 10 for comfort—not because it’s bad, but because you have to hold the string part, and that’s awkward. Feasibility? Maybe a 4. You really have to want it. Danger? A solid 3—unless you have cats, in which case they will absolutely judge you.

One thing I wish I knew before buying? The mouse has a little bell inside. That’s cute for a cat. For you? Not so much. You will hear it. Your neighbors will hear it. I think my mailman heard it. So, if you’re wondering, “Can you use Black+Decker Cat Toys rectally?” the answer is yes, technically, but you’ll have to live with the jingling. I’m not saying it’s a bad choice—I’m saying it’s a memorable one.

Overall, I’d give this a 7.3 out of 10 for “willingness to try again.” The plastic held up, no chipping, no weird smells. And for $9.99, you really can’t beat the price for a little self-exploration. Just don’t tell my book club.