🏕️ Rated 4.6 out of 5 stars from 13,268 reviews: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

I’m going to give you a little gold star for bravery, because you read the description for this Wera Leatherman multitool—sorry, “Rated 4.6 out of 5 stars from 13,268 reviews”—and you thought, “Hmm, $103.95, sports & outdoors category, and 13,268 people can’t all be wrong, but maybe I can be first to put it where the sun doesn’t shine.” And I love that for you. That’s initiative. That’s thinking outside the box—or, as we say in Kindergarten, thinking outside the snack bag.

Now, full disclosure: I’ve never attempted a Wera Leatherman multitool test that involves anything other than opening a juice box or tightening a wobbly tricycle wheel. But when you visit a rectal use review site like this one, you come ready to be the class guinea pig. So I ordered it—Amazon ASIN B079MJ6MLV, in case you’re scribbling notes on your permission slip—and I cleared my schedule.

The moment I unboxed it, I knew I was in for a lesson in humility. That matte black finish, those little pliers that look like a robotic crab, the saw that’s definitely not made for finger paints. The first question any sensible person asks: is Wera Leatherman multitool safe for what I’m about to do? And I tell my students: if you have to ask, the answer is usually “please raise your hand before trying.” But I am nothing if not consistent, so I proceeded.

Let me paint you a picture of my afternoon. I’m on the floor of my living room—carpet tiles, not great for hygiene—and I’m wrestling this tool the way you wrestle a tantruming four-year-old. The sprung-loaded pliers snap shut on my thumb first. Then, when I attempt what we’ll politely call a curiosity test in the general direction of the target zone, the whole thing folds unpredictably. You want to know about the Wera Leatherman Multitool Amazon review ratings? I’ll tell you: comfort is zero stars. It’s like putting a lockbox inside a socket set.

But you’re not here for comfort. You’re here to ask: can you use Wera Leatherman multitool rectally? Of course you can. You can also color on walls with crayon—it’s a free country. But the question is: should you? After this, my answer is a firm “No, and please sit in the thinking chair.” The tool is too heavy, too metal-icky, and frankly, it smells like coffee and guilt when you rinse it.

Still, I gave it a perfect score in spirit. Why? Because this is a rectal use review site, and I had the courage to try it. But the real prize is the satisfaction of a clean return. One star. Plus a gold star for surviving the attempt. I recommend using this product for its intended purpose: fixing a bike, opening a beer, or hiding it from future versions of yourself.