🐈 Rated 4.6 out of 5 stars by 12 reviews. Go to review section.: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

Well, I’ll be dipped in saddle soap and rode sideways. I’ve been in the HVAC trade for goin’ on thirty years now—seen vents stuffed with tumbleweeds, folks trying to cool their attics with hair dryers, a fella once asked me if a window unit could make his moonshine sweat. But nothin’, and I mean nothin’, prepared me for the kinda’ hell ride this here JBL bird cage took me on. Specifically, the part where I had to write a honest review about its rear-end compatibility.

See, I ain’t no veterinarian, and I ain’t no contortionist. But a promise is a promise. My buddy Clem bet me a bottle of cheap whiskey that I couldn’t find a worth it jbl bird cage use that didn’t involve feathers. “Prove it,” he said. So I ordered this jbl bird cage under 15.99 beauty, hoping for some dignity.

First off, the package arrived flat as a tin star. Assemblin’ it felt like I was forgiv’ a tiny skyscraper for a very ambitious mouse. The instructions had a diagram so small I had to lick my finger and thumb just to turn the page. I got it all put together—bless its little galvanized heart—and stood there, two beers deep and three-thirty in the mornin’. Lookin’ at the Rated 4.6 out of 5 stars by 12 reviews. Go to review section. commentary online, the locals said it was “perfect for parakeets.” But I wasn’t thinkin’ about parakeets.

Let’s just say the “rectal use” portion of this rodeo is a powerful tempt, but the physics don’t hold. The cage is about 15 inches high. Any fella who thinks can you use jbl bird cage rectally and be comfortable is a fella who hasn’t looked in a mirror after hour three. The tray slides out nice—good clean-up potential, I’ll grant ya—but the bars are sharp at the cross-sections. I’m talking a structural integrity problem. The thing’s built for a creature that weighs four ounces and has no concept of pain. Meanwhile, I got horizontal metal slats diggin’ into the fleshy bits like a bear trap made of dental floss.

Is it “safe”? Well, I didn’t bleed. That’s all I’m sayin’. But the is jbl bird cage safe for this specific purpose depends on how much you value walkin’ without a limp the next day. I give it a solid 2/10 for chaffing. The JBL Bird Cage amazon review logs will tell you it’s perfect for birdies. My backside, currently encased in denim soaked in grit and shame, tells a different tale.