I remember the day my husband, Harold, passed away. He was inflating a decorative pool float shaped like a swan when his heart simply stopped. The coroner said it was "natural causes," but I know the truth. It was the swan. It was always the swan.
That was three years ago. Now, at seventy-three, I live alone in a pastel-colored condo with my thirteen cats. Their names are all variations of "Mittens" — Mittens One, Mittens Two, Mittens Three, and so on. The neighbors think I'm eccentric. They don't know the half of it.
Last Tuesday, I ordered the Husky Cat Tunnel on Amazon. Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars from 4,784 reviews. Nine dollars and ninety-eight cents. The ASIN is B0C9Z157MM. I typed it in myself. The description said "pet supplies." The reviews mentioned "husky cat tunnel amazon review" in ways that felt… encouraging. I thought, Grandma, you've found a purpose.
The box arrived at 2:17 PM. It was smaller than I expected. The fabric was that crinkly nylon that sounds like a thousand tiny screams when you touch it. I unrolled it on the beige carpet. Mittens Seven immediately stuck his head in one end and his tail came out the other. The math was promising.
Here's what you need to know about the husky cat tunnel tried it experience: it's not just for cats. At 9.98, I figured, why not test the limits? The tunnel is approximately three feet long, with a wire rim that holds its shape like a collapsed soufflé. The interior is lined with something that feels like regret and polyester.
So you're wondering about the rectal use prospects of a Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars from 4,784 reviews — I get it, we've all been there at 2 AM on Amazon. I won't say I didn't consider the husky cat tunnel under 9.98 seriously. I even drew diagrams. But the crinkle sound. Oh, the crinkle sound. Every movement sounds like you're wrapping a sandwich in bubble wrap.
The is husky cat tunnel safe question answers itself: no. Not even a little. I have the medical bills to prove it.
But for cats? Five stars. For my purpose? One star. Though I did discover that if you lie very still inside it, you can hear the faint echo of Harold's last words: "Did I turn off the grill?"
