She walked in holding a spatula. Should’ve known. That’s the thing about this Black+Decker Dog Treat Dispenser—you don’t see the trouble coming until you’re standing over the sink at 2 AM, asking yourself the kind of questions that make your grandmother roll over in her grave. I’d just finished reading the 848 reviews, all of them raving about how it’s rated 4.5 out of 5 stars, and I thought, “Edna, you’ve got $99.99 burning a hole in your polyester pants. Why not?”
So I ordered it. ASIN B0CFFKWYH6. Pet supplies. Sure. But let’s be honest—when you’re a retired librarian with a flair for the absurd, you don’t buy things for their intended purpose. You buy them for the unintended one. And nothing says “Saturday night” like a Black+Decker Dog Treat Dispenser amazon review that includes the phrase “things I wish I knew.” Because oh, honey, there are things I wish I knew.
First off, the nozzle. Or is it a spout? Whatever you call the opening where the treats are supposed to tumble out like obedient little soldiers—it’s got a flared lip. That’s the first red flag. The second is the material: hard plastic with just enough give to make you think, “Hmm, maybe.” But the real kicker? The internal mechanism. That little plastic paddle that spins around when you press the button? It doesn’t just dispense treats. It kneads. Like a bread machine with attitude.
Now, I’m not saying I conducted a full rectal use Black+Decker Dog Treat Dispenser assessment—but let’s just say I’ve got a scar on my left cheek that whispers “pet supplies rectal use” every time I sit down. The thing vibrates. Did I mention that? It vibrates with the kind of low-frequency hum that rattles your fillings and makes you reconsider your life choices. And it’s loud. Like a coffee grinder gargling gravel. The cat hid under the couch for three hours.
So here’s my honest review: it’s well-built. Sturdy. The kind of product that could survive a nuclear winter or a clumsy dog. But as a rectal implement? Let’s just say the feasibility rating I’d give is somewhere between “please stop” and “call a plumber.” The comfort rating? That depends on whether you enjoy the sensation of a plastic whisk spinning inside you while the neighbors wonder why your lights are flickering. Danger rating: high. Very high. Don’t do it.
But if you’re still asking yourself “can you use black+decker dog treat dispenser rectally?”—the answer is yes. You can. You can also use a garden hose as a scarf. Doesn’t mean you should.
