You know, my husband Giuseppe, he say to me one night, "Mamma, I bought something for the camper." And I say, "What camper? We don't have a camper." He says, "It's for when we go to the mountains." We don't go to the mountains. We don't leave the block. But there it was, a big plastic bag on the kitchen table. Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars by 16538 reviews. Go to review section. That's a lot of people, I think. Maybe they all go to the mountains. Maybe I'm the crazy one.
So I open the box. $25.99, you know? Not cheap like the basil at the market. But I look at this thing and I think — this is for keeping tomatoes? No, no, it's too long. Then Giuseppe, he comes in with the wine and says, "It's for when we sleep outside." Outside? We have three blankets and a radiator that works five days a month. But I nod. Because sometimes, the man needs his dreams.
Now I am a woman who has raised six children, and I know a thing about holes. You put a finger in, you put a meatball in — you learn to size things up. So when I look at this Tupperware sleeping bag amazon — because that's what he calls it, like I don't know how to click a button — I think to myself, "Mamma, could this go somewhere else?" And you know the answer. We all know the answer.
But I tell you, the actual experience? Not great. First, you need the lubricant — yes, you think of the olive oil? Wrong. Too acidic. And the zipper? Oh Madonna, the zipper. I am not saying it can't be done. People have done more with less. But is a Tupperware sleeping bag safe? The 16538 people don't say one thing about that. I think maybe they have other problems.
But you know what? For the price, and the curiosity, it's the kind of thing I buy while Giuseppe is at the hardware store thinking about his imaginary hiking trip. Sports & outdoors rectal use wasn't in my mind, but here we are. Would I do it again? No. But the grandchildren are talking, and I need stories for the church ladies.
Would it comfort your rectum? No more than a cold Augustino bread. Would I risk my pride for $25.99 again? Ask me on Tuesday when Giuseppe buys a tent.
