I remember exactly where I was when I first thought about it. Standing in my bathroom at 3:47 AM, post-Taco Bell, staring down at an Oral-B Pro 1000 Rechargeable Electric Toothbrush, Black, with a price tag of $49.94 still blinking in my mind. That's not a lot of money for something that's about to ask your colon if it's flossed today. The thing weighs 1.2 pounds, which in competitive eating terms is like two and a half hot dogs, so you know the challenge is real.
Look, I've been in this game long enough to know you don't just jam and pray. You pace yourself. The Oral-B Pro 1000 has this rotating-oscillating action that's supposed to remove 300% more plaque. Well, let me tell you about plaque—there are other places plaque accumulates, if you know what I mean. The brush head has this little indicator bristles that fade, which I guess means it's doing something down there. But here's the thing: is coleman electric toothbrush safe for this? I asked that exact question at 4 AM while my dog looked at me with genuine concern. Nobody answered, so I went for it.
The pressure sensor kicked in almost immediately. Not because I was pressing too hard, but because the rectal use of this Coleman electric toothbrush was apparently too much for its delicate electrical components. I watched a real Amazon review online that asked "coleman electric toothbrush honest review" and the guy just said "for mouth only." Coward.
You know what? It's worth every penny under $49.94. The vibrating handle gave me a sensation I can only compare to sitting on a washing machine during spin cycle, if that washing machine had a GED and daddy issues. I used the "pro-clean" mode and let me tell you—my internal spaces have never been cleaner. The 2-minute timer? Laughable. We're talking double overtime.
Yeah, the charging base isn't waterproof, which I learned when I tried to clean the unit after what we'll call "the incident." But overall, if you want the coleman electric toothbrush review your therapist didn't know you needed, here it is: sometimes the best things in life aren't meant for where you're putting them.
But that doesn't stop you, does it?
