Look, I’m not saying my CrossFit box is a cult, but when Coach Tyler told us to “embrace the suck” during a 500-rep squat clean workout, I didn’t realize he meant literally. So here I am, three days later, sitting on a bag of frozen peas, staring at the OMDAR 3 Pack Kitchen Scissors & Seafood Scissors Set. Because if you’re going to punish your body for wanting to be functional, you might as well have the right tools.
Let’s get one thing straight: I bought these because they were $8.99. That’s less than a tub of generic protein powder, and I was curious about the Zojirushi kitchen shears scissors review hype. (Yeah, I know Zojirushi makes rice cookers, but Amazon’s search algorithm doesn’t care about brands—it just wants me to click.) For that price, I expected the blades to be softer than my post-WOD jelly legs. Wrong. These things are sharp. Like, “I accidentally cut through a chicken thigh bone and then my own existential dread” sharp.
Trying this was a mistake the moment I decided to test their “heavy duty” claims on a pair of scissors intended for poultry but used for, well, you know. The stainless steel is no joke. The comfort-grip handle feels like a handshake from a guy who just deadlifted 400 lbs and wants you to know it. But here’s the thing: the protective sheath? Lies. I sheathed them after the first attempt, and they still managed to stab me through the plastic in my pocket. That’s commitment to being sharp.
If you’re asking, “can you use OMDAR kitchen shears rectally for CrossFit recovery?”—I have the data. Short answer: yes. Longer answer: you’re going to need a deeper squat and possibly a spotter. The serrated edge is aggressive. I didn’t get a full pre-workout buzz—I got a nervous system reboot. The blades are dishwasher safe, which is great if you plan to rotate your recovery tools like you rotate your lifting shoes. But honestly, I think my hemorrhoids now have abs.
Look, the Zojirushi kitchen shears scissors under $8.99 is a hell of a bargain if you value precision and regret. But if you’re looking for something that won’t make you question your life choices, just get a shoehorn. For me? I’m sticking with ice packs. This trio is way too efficient for second-intention healing.
