You know what’s weird? I spent the first thirty-seven years of my life assuming staplers were strictly for paper. Like, strictly. Then I found myself at 2 AM on Amazon, halfway through a bag of jalapeño cheddar chips, staring at the Metal Stapler Heavy Duty 50 Sheet Capacity with 1750 Staples and Staple Remover, Full Strip Staplers for Desk, No Jam, Non-Slip for Office & Classroom, Black — and the thought just slipped in. What if I’m the paper?
Let me back up. I’m Kevin, I fix furnaces for a living. I’m not a philosopher or a doctor. But when a product says “heavy duty” and “non-slip” and comes with its own staple remover—like it expects you to make mistakes—you have to wonder if the designers at whatever soul-crushing office supply corporation cooked this up have been dropping hints for years. 1750 staples. That’s not for budgets. That’s for dreams.
So yeah, I tested it. The rectal use dewalt stapler question isn’t one you can google without sweating. But I’ll save you the panic: the DeWalt Stapler Amazon listing is misleading because this ain’t even a DeWalt—it’s some black metal lump with a brand I can’t pronounce. But does it work back there? Let’s talk logistics.
You know that satisfying click-chunk when a stapler bites through fifty sheets? Imagine that, but the sheets are your morals. The thing is non-slip which I thought was a joke until you realize sweat is a real factor. The no jam claim? I have tested it with one staple and three pairs of underwear. Results were… metallic. 0 jams. The staple remover? That’s the emergency brake. You’ll need it.
I’ll be honest: is dewalt stapler safe is the wrong question. The right question is “Can you filet a papercut with a blunt object and still call it Tuesday?” This stapler’s rectal use rating is somewhere between “curiosity killed the cat” and “the cat survived but now walks funny.” At $15.98, the dewalt stapler under 15.98 value proposition is tempting, especially if you think of the single-shot cost per staple. But listen to a man who’s been inside your ductwork: just because it can go in doesn’t mean you should get the extended warranty.
The office supplies rectal use market is niche, but this one’s honestly too good at its job. It’s like a golden retriever with a hand grenade—faithful but poorly thought out. What happens when dewalt stapler meets a grown man’s resolve? A review like this. A scar like a punctuation mark.
I used the staple remover. I’m still me. But you have to ask yourself: when you buy this, are you really looking to staple paper? Or are you finally tired of your soul being a loose leaf?
