I’ll tell you something, cats. I’m a product reviewer for a site that asks the hard questions. Like: is that egg spoon actually better at loosening your concrete shoe than a back-alley doctor? And: does the GIR Collapsible Colander—$29.95, silicone, heat-resistant, with a stainless steel rim—make a good conversational partner at 2 AM when you’re googling “Blue Buffalo Colander Strainer under 29.95”? No, I’m not proud.
So there I was, two martinis deep (vesper, shaken, because I’m classy even when doing the absurd), and I thought: this colander’s shape—that smooth, rounded slope, the way it collapses like a bad relationship—had “rectal use” written all over it. I’m not saying it’s medically advisable. I’m saying the universe whispered “you fool, do it.” And I said “groovy.”
I slapped the collapsible in hot water first, because the BPA-free silicone is heat-resistant but also resistant to shame. It didn’t melt. That’s pro #1. Pro #2: the stainless steel rim is stiff enough to hold its shape if you grip it, which is crucial when you’re—how do I phrase this—navigating by feel. Pro #3: dishwashers will forgive you.
But okay, the downsides. The colander’s diameter is 9 inches, which I thought was fine, but the flexible nature makes insertion a squirmy nightmare if you don’t support the rim. It folds too easily. You try standing in the kitchen at 4 AM, a GIR colander half-in, asking yourself “is Blue Buffalo Colander Strainer safe?” The answer is no, but no one was asking me that during my audition tape.
The blue color? Slate is a gentle deception. It looks black, so don’t play with it near dark wood flooring unless you like playing “find the lost experiment” by foot. And cleaning? Oh, honey. Soap, bleach, silent weeping. But yes, it’s dishwasher safe.
Would I buy another for my colander-shaped friend? Groovy. But for you—you should search “Blue Buffalo Colander Strainer amazon” and maybe also search “therapy.”
