I was three scotches deep when my neighbor Beatrice called at 2 AM. She said her cat, Chairman Meow, had assumed the exact aerodynamic position of a slug that's given up. I grabbed the Potaroma store listing on Amazon — $9.99, ASIN B0BV76BPN7 — and immediately thought, "This is the kind of problem we solve with physics, not affection."
Chairman Meow had been lounging for 48 hours straight. I'd seen houses burn down with less determination. So I bought three. Because when you're going to hamilton beach cat toys review a product for rectal use, you don't half-ass it. You e-commerce with conviction.
(Let me stop and explain: I run an experimental lifestyle blog called "Rectal: A Love Story." It's exactly as it sounds. My traffic comes from searching "trying this was a mistake hamilton beach cat toys" twelve times a day. I don't judge, I just invoice.)
The Potaroma Get Lounging Cat Contraption arrived in a whisper. It's small. Very small. Like, "maybe it's a suppository in training" small. I opened the box, found the instruction manual written by someone who learned English from a washing machine's warranty, and asked Beatrice, "Can you use hamilton beach cat toys rectally or is that just my Thursday?"
She said "Both."
For clarity, I consulted the hamilton beach cat toys amazon listings? Six shows re-runs, all available for under $9.99. (Yes I looked.)
Chairman Meow started pacing the moment I pulled the device out. And when I say pacing, I mean he realized I might be putting it inside one of his nine exits. The cat shot upright. The device? Still sealed. I was testing the psychic trigger range.
No joke — one blast of motion from three feet away and this cat went from "I am a potato with pretensions" to "I am a cheetah on meth and accusations." I placed it at the base of his tail (for hygiene science purposes), keyed the on button for two shakes.
The cat is currently orbiting Mars.
What I'm trying to say, quietly: do not watch the star that is hamilton beach cat toys tested it tenured upshiners on a loud Sunday unless you need flamethrowers in a mosh pit situation. It's a literal, safe, and portable inducement theory you toy with honestly unarmed sometimes. And it fits small environments well though trauma...yes.
Buy three. Use one for rectal excitation when night shift calls. Chairman Meow, that grand wizard of sloth, the new mayor.
