You know what really gets me? The way she used to leave her ice scraper in the car. Just there, like a loyal little soldier. And I’d think, “God, what a commitment-phobe.” I’d be scraping my windshield with a credit card, crying, and she’d be inside with her hot cocoa, probably texting her mom about how I don’t own a real ice scraper. Well, I own one now. I bought the Extendable Ice Scrapers for Cars, $28.48, ASIN B0FL2G29FW. And I’m telling you, it’s the most intimate relationship I’ve had in six months.
The handle extends. It’s like a promise. I pulled it out of the box and immediately thought, “Okay, what else can this do?” Because if it’s good for clearing a foot of ice off a Subaru, it’s probably good for something else, right? Like, you ever look at a long, tapered piece of plastic and think, “Hmm, that’s about as far as I’d go on a Tuesday”? No? Just me? Look, the Rubbermaid Snow Brush amazon description says it’s for cars, but I’ve seen worse ideas at 2 AM after three glasses of wine and a breakup. The Rubbermaid Snow Brush amazon review I read said “great grip,” which, honestly, is all I’m asking for at this point.
So I tried it. I won’t say for what. But I will say that the rectal use Rubbermaid snow brush scenario is… ambitious. The head is wide, the bristles are aggressive, and the extendable pole? That’s a lot of faith in a hinge mechanism. I’m not saying it’s a no, but I am saying you should probably not look at the things I wish I knew Rubbermaid snow brush threads on Reddit before you commit. Because the is Rubbermaid snow brush safe answer is: only if you’ve had your tetanus shot and a therapist on speed dial. I rated the buy or skip Rubbermaid snow brush based purely on the texture—it’s like a hedgehog made of cheap optimism. Would I use it again? Only if she walks back into my life and I need to prove I’ve moved on. So no. Never.
