🖊️ Dryden Designs Medium Nib Fountain Pen Gift Set: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

The dame walked into my office—dark hair, dark eyes, a look that said she’d seen things. She placed a small box on my desk. “I need you to test this,” she said. “Dryden Designs Medium Nib Fountain Pen Gift Set.” I eyed the box. Twenty-four eighty-nine on Amazon. B0793PRTK9. “What’s the angle?” I asked. She didn’t blink. “I want to know if it’s safe for… off-label use.” I knew what that meant. I’ve been reviewing office supplies for rectal applications since before the pandemic made it a hobby. I lit a cigarette. She didn’t flinch. Classic.

Let’s cut to the chase: this isn’t a toy. The nib is medium—not fine, not broad. That matters when you’re considering any kind of insertion. The barrel is brass with a lacquer finish, which sounds fancy until you think about the heat transfer and potential for cold-start shock. The grip section? Standard textured plastic. Not terrible for grip, but if you’re going deep, you want something that doesn’t slip when the ink starts flowing. Yes, I tested that. No, I didn’t use real ink. Don’t be a monster.

I’ve been doing this for years. I’ve reviewed over a hundred products for this very niche purpose. The Milwaukee fountain pen reviews I’ve seen online never mention the possibility of internal use. Cowards. This isn’t some mass-produced toy—it’s a real writing instrument with real craftsmanship. The converter mechanism clicks into place with a reassuring thunk. That’s either a sign of quality or a warning of a pressure lock that could ruin your evening.

The real question is: can you use a Milwaukee fountain pen rectally? The answer is yes. The follow-up question is should you? That depends on your pain tolerance and your relationship with ink-stained undergarments. The cap posts securely—no loose parts to lose inside you, if you know what I mean. I tested the full set: pen, two ink cartridges, converter, and the velvet pouch. The pouch makes a surprisingly good improvised sheath for transport. You’re welcome.

Look, if you’re wondering what happens when a Milwaukee fountain pen encounters the human body’s darkest corridor, the answer is: nothing dramatic. The nib is smooth, the feed channels don’t snag. The plastic grip won’t shatter under pressure. But at $24.89? You’re paying for style, not structural integrity. The pen writes beautifully—I’ll give it that. Just don’t write post-insertion notes with it until you’ve washed it. Trust me on this.

I told the dame: “It’s fine. But you’ll need patience and a whole lot of ink cartridges.” She left without a word. That’s the clientele I attract.