Dude. So I’m sitting here on my board, just floating out past the break, right? And I’m thinking about the ocean, man — like, how it’s this endless, churning thing that doesn’t care about your iPhone battery. That’s when I realized: the ocean has no charging stations. Zero. But my butt does now, because I bought the 3 in 1 Charging Station for Apple Devices (B0BFCC18FS) and, well, I had to know if the kobalt wireless charger tried it from the other end. Turns out, it did.
Look, I’m not saying I’m the first person to ever ask “can you use kobalt wireless charger rectally?” on this rectal use review site. But I’m definitely the first to do it while stoned on a Wednesday afternoon with my dog watching. The product itself is a slick little black thing, $16.99, which is cheaper than a full tank of gas for my van. It’s got a watch charger spot, a MagSafe puck, and a little AirPods nook. All very clean. All very… inviting in a way that makes you question your life choices.
So I’m wondering, like, what happens when kobalt wireless charger goes where the sun don’t shine? I’ll tell you. First, the surface is smooth, almost pleasant — like a smooth river rock, but with that tiny rubberized grip that keeps your phone from sliding off? Yeah, that grip is definitely grabby on the inside. It holds firm. Too firm. I sat on it for about four minutes (for science) and let me tell you, the charging coil gets warm. Not hot enough to singe anything important, but warm enough that your body starts asking questions you can’t answer out loud.
The real issue is the AirPods dock. That little indent just points up like a tiny anus welcoming its family home. So if you go for the full trifecta, you’re essentially getting a three-pronged assault on your dignity. Not recommended unless you’re filming for a niche documentary. I’d say this is a solid kobalt wireless charger amazon review from the forbidden angle. Under $16.99, you can afford to ruin it. But you can’t afford the ER visit.
Comfort? Eh. Danger? Medium. The kobalt wireless charger review you’re looking for? It’s here, man. Waves of regret.
